Tag Archives: body language

Gushing From Your Mouth

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I know I shared a poem in my last blog, but I have one more poem to wrap up the time we’ve spent on active listening.  Maybe it will help you remember to use body language to show you’re listening. Active listening is truly a gift we can give to show others they are valued and we care.

LISTEN
©Tami Brumbaugh

Usually your quick wit is captivating
Gushing from your mouth like a compelling waterfall
I smile, eager to be pulled into the current

Often your words are soothing
Showering my parched soul with much needed rain
I uncross my arms, grateful to soak in every drop

Sometimes your discussion is informative
Spouting like a fountain of knowledge
I lean forward, inspired to dip my bucket for future use

Occasionally your chatter is repetitious
Flowing endlessly like a faucet with no shut-off valve
I nod, saturated but wringing out my clothes to take in more

Sporadically you complain or vent
Spewing unchecked from a broken pipe
I mirror your expression, sopping wet but determined to endure the storm

Through it all
You are worthy of my full attention
The world can wait
So let the words flow
I will listen

Body Language Blunders

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I crossed my arms and started rubbing them, trying to calm the goose bumps sprouting on my skin. If my jaws weren’t clamped tight they probably would have been chattering. A sweater would have been smart. And a coat. And a blanket. They should not let men in thick suits set the thermostat.

I tried to smile at the speaker, but guessed that it looked more like a grimace. My shoulder muscles tightened as I shivered. I pulled out my phone to check the time. Another hour until I could escape to my car and crank up the heat. I sighed. I’d looked forward to this conference, but I was too cold to focus.

Time crept by. After more periodic glances at my phone, I was relieved to hear the speaker make closing statements. I gathered my belongings and made a dash for the door.

“Tami, wait up!”

Drat. My heater would have to wait. I turned and plastered a smile on my face. “Hey. I’m glad you made it.”

“Me too. I wound up taking quite a few notes. Maybe you’ll enjoy the speaker more next time. Some people say you have to get used to his style.”

“What?” I rubbed my arms again. “The speaker was fine.”

“Oh. Well, it looked like you weren’t a fan. So will I see you tomorrow?”

“You bet.” I hustled to my car and waited impatiently for the heater to begin spurting warm air so I could thaw. My mind began replaying the conference, trying to find how I had given off the wrong vibe. My heart sank. In my struggle to endure the cold, I’d allowed my body language to send the wrong signals.

Here are 7 types of attentive body language that I will be careful to use in the future.

  1. Face the speaker
  2. Turn off technology
  3. Maintain eye contact
  4. Lean forward
  5. Keep arms uncrossed
  6. Smile or mirror the speaker’s facial expressions to show sympathy and empathy
  7. Nod occasionally

For the next conference, maybe I really will bring a blanket. I have a feeling the person setting the thermostat wasn’t attentive to my body language.

Just Listen

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I stopped mid-sentence.

Was he even listening to me? His eyes were scrolling text messages on his phone, and he didn’t seem to notice that my mouth was now clamped shut. I’d been in the middle of answering his question for crying out loud.

I scowled and began talking again. “So I decided to take a month off work to hitch-hike and swim until I reached Australia so I could finally find a blue-ringed octopus for Hannah though if it bit me I’d be paralyzed for the rest of the day but that would give me time to think about my next book and give you time to paint the house a bright pink. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“And when I get back I thought I’d finally get Cheyenne a Siberian Husky friend and put you in charge of training it and then we’d start having spinach every night because I know how much you love eating it—”

He looked up suddenly. “What was that?”

Ever been there? I hate to admit it, but I’ve also been the one who wasn’t truly listening. I’m currently trying to work on being an active listener.

Last week I shared a “Personal Inventory” list of questions to trigger more communication with family members. Hopefully conversation is flowing with your loved ones. Here are some active listening skills we can use to keep it going.

  1. Give your undivided attention
  2. Use attentive body language
  3. Avoid interrupting
  4. Give verbal reinforcement
  5. Ask questions for clarification
  6. Reflect by paraphrasing or summarizing
  7. Respond respectfully

I’ll dig into each of these skills deeper in the weeks to come. I need to stop for now as my daughter is talking to me and I need to follow my own advice by actively listening.